resurrection

Too bright so long that its so dark
so sane so long that its insane
faulty so long that now its seems natural
no more.. no more of definitions
am through with all of em
approach me and you burn to ashes
keep away and you shall be drenched.

wheres your choice now?
did u ever have one?
did you give me one?
i don't want answers
never asked for any
today i rise.. i rise
from within myself
shards of my identity
all... all thrown aside
perhaps afresh i start..
i walk a route away
in solitude and perfectly frozen
.. frozen to time and all....

When she beckons

For all the reasons in this world several seem to conspire to bring one to a certain part of the world that is a whole universe in itself. So is the story of Mumbai. This is one city with the heart of a lady who is sometimes a mother caressing your dreams or your partner with similar dreams and aspirations and then again a complete stranger least bothered of your existence.

Even the fury of nature seems to halt upon reaching her; for her residents will not restrain themselves for any reason. They know only one path and trudge on forward they do. This is one of the most aspiring things about Mumbai. This sees through even the roughest days. The aura of Mumbai is unlike that which is captured by any movie until now. Few have come close and lost it. Perhaps due to the need of the storyline. A person moving into town for the first time falls in love with her immediately and remains there the rest of his/her life not due to lack of opportunities elsewhere but merely because no other city can mimic Mumbai.

An instant inside a train in Mumbai and again we see a totally different face of Mumbai. Mumbai trains are like a blender where different languages cultures, age and last but most important: dreams meet. This ain't no disco but a thoughtful glance tells so many stories. That of a starting business man. The aspiring college student. The old man awaiting some time from his children who are too busy running to ensure their day to day needs for selfs and family. A couple who are blind singers who sing for a few rupees from those who are understanding. I thought I had too many issues until I saw them. Suddenly I seem insignificant to myself. One can't help but notice the giggle of college students and blooming love stories that sometimes stay with them and meld into reality of a lifelong partner. Some other stories fade and vanish with time. Lost to the city. And yet they move on head held high with pride for they understand that the city takes as much as from you as it gives back and hence maintains a balance.

So many have come here time and before from all over globe and found the meaning of life and realized their dreams. For as many who have attained much several thousand more have had lost their lifes and several million dreams crushed. Yet and yet each one of them will choose to remain in the city for here u learn to dream and to bring life n colors to ones dreams. So is the story of Mumbai.

For a man who came to Mumbai for 1 day and got delayed for 10 days I absolutely loved my stay in Mumbai and would have easily stayed much longer had it not brought on the risk factor of my meager job in Kuwait. It earns my bread well in Kuwait yet I still long for Mumbai. As I sit in my lounge awaiting my flight. I have more than half a mind to run back outside into Mumbai and vanish into the crowd like a 5 year old. Yet my logic takes over my heart and still I remain seated. The boarding has been announced and still I sit until everyone has boarded. I take a long breath, then stand and walk the longest few steps of my life. As for her beckoning.... I promise to return soon, no matter what and step onto the flight. Who is she? Why did she bring me there? Why did she resurrect my past? These questions elude me. Yet a part of Mumbai still resides within me. The calling is still fresh in my soul. Return i shall.

eternal never

never say never?
no! always say never. It breaches within creating an option that seems to emerge right from nothingness. One way or other is always there depending what one wants to see. one could always start a new life at any second. Yet the query remains- would you? As tempting as it may sound a fresh start never means a clean slate of memories. If it was good enough a person who has gone through amnesia would not struggle to find meaning and prior memories. Yet we all see them striving to approach the instant of ressurection of those memories that somehow evade their present.

The frozen lake

the winds been howling long
strange sounds never surfaced before
why do i feel the chill now
why does this home now feel else
my castle seems vacant
the walls empty though not so
why did a pollen melt my lake
give more of life beyond mere existance
crystalline to life
the mirror today shows a smile unknown
a face today sparkles within the eyes
spring has set forth in a cold barren land
as i think more i cant recollect
when the last one was
or if there ever was
so long it has been
pollen i did enclose in crystal
placed it i did on high pedestal
set it apart from my world
in a universe of elegance
yet i walk away ..
..deep into my frozen lake
someday i shall return.

tainted

walked out on you i had
with reasons clenched deep within
far into solitude walked i had
deep within the chambers of crystalline palace
remnants of your soul etched within me
deattaching the heart from the mind
for perhaps a fraction of fear
fear of tainting you
how was i to know
how tender and simple you were
as the devil within me ravaged
confined it i did deep within
yet today i ask
or was i confined within
unanswered the query remains
yet assurance of one thought clear
longer my presence would taint you
something that will not occur as long i breathe
walk on i shall
clenching your fragrance deep within
as i fade from your present
clenching you deep within ...

a mere scarf

yet again another day rises
made sure i have
the red scarf flies
remains steady to my window
a glance to the street below
no one looking above
yet again...
a promise a decade back
when i had to walk away from him
as long as i live my scarf
shall call to him
unknown if he still remembers
yet i clench onto my childhood dream
the day drags along into the night
somehow the winds tonight seem to whisper else
far beneath an eye stares into the darkness
above searching for more than the red
my heart seems to race
could it be him after all this time?
does he still care?
a smile of recognition
time has brought more onto his face
yet his eyes do not fail me
in an instant the rains bless
a shower of petals
here on i walk beside him
here on and more
my solitary wait has bloomed.

the return

simple and elegant attachments
everything he lay aside
walked into the war
for faces he knew not
drenched himself in sweat and blood
yet every instant made sense
he had something to come back to
seconds of vicious insanity
haunted his days
yet her face n tender whispers
engulfed his minutes of dreams
back he did come
from a war torn desert
only to find the vase shattered
assumptions of his was all gone
today she walked in a different path
miles and years away from him
one instant of gleam in her eyes
a small fading smile
his presence now an encroachment
something more pain than joy
and he did walk on strong
he tread back into the desert
with only the sand to hold on to
with nothing to go back or anywhere else
he did move into everything in his path
fear vanished as well as the face
walked into the other side he did
for finally he had returned.