de return

walked a route hard
dropped everything close and moved
to claim the world
attained in clasp evrything
perhaps more than he could hope
refined from his old crudeness
now desired by many
yet somewhre deep within
there lay a rogue
a rogue that captured his soul
no refinement could brush this away
tread back he did much later
only to realise
throwing a gem he had left
only to attain
mere stones and words.

12/12/06

20th nov 2006
3
a train
an hour
a half constructed building
a cutting
a fag
new faces
yet one soul apart

Vegas ... the mirage

I had been to Vegas about a week back and it was great experience. I feel Vegas is a true mirage. Located in the middle of desert with absolute nothingness around for miles and miles, Vegas is a place where many people come forth with hopes and dreams of making it big. Some do and some don’t. Some fly while the wings of others break down and perish. We don’t knew those who do perish while those who do make it big are known by many.

Coming back to the point, Prashanth has taken the glory of the trip. This is one helluva guy who is great to be around with. Esp. on a trip. Even more amusing when he is quite tripped I must say as all of us (whoever was on the trip) would concur. Reaching Vegas past 12 in the night due to traffic didn’t spare anyone any energy to hit out at that point of time. The next day each of us were full charged to hit the casinos, look at things around (gals in specific... hehehehe).
we dint feel the drag of the length of the journey on the way since Ganesh( a.k.a Ganny) was driving all the way meanwhile teaching the rest of us to play blackjack. Damn it! I rarely won at that point of time :( But it was hilarious all the way thru.
Early next morn (which by the way was almost noon) we hit the streets and into a few casinos. We realized soon that we would not b having enough time to reach all of em within our stay there. So we hit the stop watch and spent like an hr at each casino. It was quite hilarious then on.. Ramya and Vijay went on their path, Praveen and Prashanth went off to find some blackjack slot machines, while I and Ganny tried out whatever game looked interesting. And when the timer goes off, we see people from different directions run towards the entrance or meeting point preassigned. :D

It was during one of these hours that I spent at one of the casinos that I saw the grim side of Vegas. There was this middle aged guy sitting on a blackjack slot machine who appeared to have been sitting there long. Real long, I could say from his face. After loosing some money he turned over to me and said "This thing cheats!". The words may appear subtle. But thinking of his words deeper, made me understand Vegas as a whole. This man like many others appear to have played long there. He would daily come in the morning with lil money with hope of hitting it big some time. He puts in some cash, wins lil and puts more wins lil more. its when he puts in a higher risk bet with the hope tat his luck will stand thru his hopes get crushed. With the hope tat his luck will better at the next slot machine he will start again with $1. The cycle continues day in day out. By the end of the day he would have made very little or in most likelihood lost a lot more money. Yet next day he will return.

This is Vegas. Vegas is that which has thrived on such. For the few that had hit it big there are thousands who had their wings cut. It probably is good for a short while like a romantic getaway perhaps; but it’s not my idea of long term stay in such a place.

The best fun we had was late into the night playing black jack and joking around in our rooms. With a few half slaushed and great jokes and sense and logic thrown right out the window, the night was complete fun. (Until I lost consciousness, and as I understand from the others continued to be so till 5 am). The next morn however didn’t provide enough time to hit more casinos since each of us had to reach different places and airports while some of us had to drive back to LA. After a few good snaps, some beer and a good pizza; we said out goodbyes for a while and departed from there with the intent of returning someday.

Vijay, Prashanth, Praveen, myself and Ganny

Oh, by the way, the name of the casino at which that guy (the middle aged man I earlier referred to) was sitting was 'Mirage'. Now I wonder why!...

Essence

Bright colored balloons
soft droplets of rain
drenched in a feeling
dont remember em now
in an instant i am desolate
soft whispers haunt my memories
decades have passed
tender smiles lost
today its more about the time
time to fill air in that thing
Gained a lot i have
think i not wht i not
delicate intricacies i have
carved in the niche of time
yet something eludes me..
where and what
whose essence is that which eludes me
i know not.

shaji
[oct 19, 06]

belong..

what is it tat makes each of us wht we are. wht defines wht and y. wht is it tat one strives to achieve in one's actions. dreams? desires? and y? bearing the brunt and grunt of daily chores one retires to somethin one calls home. yet then the definition changes again.. we pluck all our roots and relocate as seeds off of flowers blown by the breeze to restart again. does the new plant and the flowers born therewith recollect its originalities? who is to say? i dont knw. yet it has formed an identity. or has it? the matter of being somethin appears to be elusive. i am still with the breeze hoping to reach back frm whre i plucked myself from my roots. perhaps i will .. belong...

phoenix meets unicorn

a neat title.. a exclusive combination of fables and yet so close to each heart. perhaps a single moment in a overcrowded train or perhaps a moment too long of solitude. Donno whre. Howevr thre was this one moment that seems to be too vivid to be real but thres soemthin tat triggers emotions and even perhaps a certain extent of relation. The combination however remains very ethreal. he burns to ashes, rises again only to burn more. While she remains with the crowd yet very elusive. even among the crowd, she feels a need to touch someone's life. A desire to complete someone and be completed. Odd it is, however that in the smallest fraction of life that they form a bond and no matter wht happens beyond that small time scale things remain eternal and explained to them in a way they cant logically understand. funny it is.. people still say... " its an odd combination and most things remain unexplained" :)

random

one rain

I donno if anyone has wondered where we all go to. Each day? Each moment? Is it that one compelling dream or desire or is there more to what each of us move toward to? i donno...

During my walk, it rained and i walked on.. at a distance I saw one tree. Sheltering her wings from the rain I saw an angel. Fragile she appeared; not much different from the leaves that moved about in this wind. Yet different. There she stood looking into the distance and smiling. Confounded i was.. there was nothing around and the rain was getting bad and this girl was smiling there. For a moment i felt as if i was smiling.. now thats been a while. I walked toward her and asked her what she was smiling about and she said it was raining because God is happy. Now that really tickled me.
All i could say was " ya". I didnt want to break the bubble. We stood there for a while and chirped like early mornin birds. In a few minutes it felt like we had known for ages. I didnt even realise that I was in the middle of the rains. Blissful and content she was with the simplicities of life. Colourful dreams she had. Too soon as I would say; the rains stopped and she walked toward her home saying a 'bye'.

There I stood drenched.. that being the least of my thoughts. something changed. I cant describe what it was. I was there and yet not there. The atmosphere looked like a dream world; peaceful and beautiful.

Today I am miles away trying to understand still... I am dry yet feel so drenched and wonderful.. I can't seem to find words for this feeling.. Donno if i'll meet the rains again.

de anomaly

A dark valour he contained
led a wasteful life opposing the drift
for he knew not the after effects
He tried fitting into several forms
yet each form was absurd to himself
By then the damage was done
Rebelled beyond all normality
Spoke without any sensitivity
But a rain drenched him
a rain of love
Quenched and stood beside
Unable to balance this
He took his life
all she wanted was his side
yet he moved on... ununderstood
He was nothin at all except for her
just an anomaly... just an anomaly.

Kal se

berang lagne lage kal se (2)
jo khamosh baite hai kuch duur
tarasne lage kal se
unki awaaz ke liye
koi to itna bataye
begaraz kyon hai apni muhabbat
koi to itna bataye
khafa kyon hai humse

Core

Choice has been a profound word for quite a long time. Barriers of time, location and all its cousin parameters have been linked to this word. What exactly does one choose given an option and when not given one. Some of us choose one; some of us look for options and choose what was acceptable. Others walk a different path.. with and intent to return with a better option for thyself and for others who reach the same cross roads.
Man has always been with man [women included]. We get along with anyone as long as ideas, beliefs and path don’t come into conflict. Race, caste, creed, nationality, language are all barriers when convenient, that man created for need of self preservation in form and identity. These barriers have now become so much a part of social identity that one fails to look beyond and into the core. Diversity has perhaps helped man to survive through the ages but it should come to a point that one does not understand the basic common element as a species. Groups are made as form of management and organization of political and emotional feelings and they are not the differential elements of life.
Here again i ask... who am i? who are you? ...

Naseeb

Ghalib se jyada naseeb hue hame
Ghalib se jyada naseeb hue hame
jo naseeb hue hame aapke chere ke nazaakat
hum Ghalib to nahin... par hum aashiq bhi kam nahin kisi se.. bus aapke

Radical beginnings

Funny it is how each person on this world actually goes through his/her life term. Choice seems an illusion. Who each one becomes or is, depends merely on when and where that individual is born. Society is not a hindrance. The mind is the hindrance that fails to accept that which it does not seem to understand. Failure to fall into any particular category or attempt to move out of any particular category happens to act of treason and that of insanity. Why? Because it just is not what has been happening or what has ever happened until now and those who do attempt at it are just laughed off as anti socials. This happens to be the most successful way to bring back those elements back into line according to those who understand what they can. For factions that broach topics that they do not understand, realise the fictional lines and illusions. From these, they make their start... their own radical beginnings. They may not go down in history ... but that is the wish of just socially perfect individuals...

C.K.

Is it possible to float on clouds without loosing urself to life? i dont knw. but i knw that it is possible to find happiness in small things... a little time. Mumbai is holds a great meaning to to many like any other place . Y? :) its has brought meaning to me... to my destiny.

How is it possible to say nothin and yet convey everything... Odd! but true.. a new meaning to old terms that i never clearly understood til today..

' So near yet so far... so far yet so near...'

oru kaat veeshiyapol

ariyaathe.. veruthe oru swapnathilek ..
korchu orumagulamaayi korrchu dooram
.....
oru kaat vishiyapol ...

Starter

Funny it is how we all want to keep doing something for ages and it jus remains.. until a time comes whre it seem to serve no purpose at all. This is a blog mainly involves the story of myself .. or does it? hmm.. i donno.. perhaps this may as well be the life of just any individual anywhre in the world or elsewhre. or probably it may conatin nothing more than a few scriblings that encroach me.